A Confession of Confessions

Ok, the time has come for a true "Confession," I think. I survived another semester of seminary...no, that's not my confession. But the fact that I survived is a milestone of some sort. So, here's my post-semester confession.

One of my classes this fall was Ethics. I took it as a requirement. My friend Cadence was in the class with me and we sat by each other all semester. I think we provided some humor to the class since we sort of play off each other and just generally have a good time together. The class was taught by a faculty member from the Presbyterian seminary in town. Calvin, the professor, was absolutely amazing. My friend and I weren't sure what the class (or the teacher) would be like at first, but we quickly decided it was probably our favorite class all semester. We discussed ethical issues using the ELCA's social statements, draft statements and messages. The class divided up into groups and we each chose a statement (etc) to present. My group- Cadence and Gianna (another friend in the class) and I- presented last. I really wanted to talk about the ELCA's draft statement on human sexuality. While it wasn't on the original list that Calvin had us choose from, he was willing to let us do this one- perhaps because I was so excited and animated about it. I am so grateful that my friends were willing to go along with me on this. Our group was the last to present in the semester. The draft statement (http://www.elca.org/What-We-Believe/Social-Issues/Social-Statements-in-Process/JTF-Human-Sexuality.aspx) is long and intense so we decided to narrow it down to one issue-- the issue that seems to be the ELCA's "hot topic" issue. As Cadence so nicely put it: gayness.

Ok, time out. Now's the time for the confession. I am gay. I came out of the closet last spring (March 17, 2008). I am still working on defining who I am in light of this but I know this much for certain: I am gay and I'm ok with that. My family knows and are ok with it for the most part I think. My friends know (or are learning) and particularly my seminary friends and my college roommate have been amazing. Who knew how many gay jokes seminarians could make? Anyway, I am who I am and I know that God loves me the way I am. I know that may sound a bit shallow and cliche but that's the truth. Being gay is not all of who I am, but it is certainly a large part of who I am.

As can be imagined, this reality makes my call to be a pastor a bit more difficult. Because the ELCA is still in "conversation" over the issue, I am in a bit of a tough situation. I've run into a bit of difficulty already but I am still working at it...even if the process doesn't turn out to be as..."straight forward" as I originally thought. I love my church and I have no intention of leaving. Because I love my church, I am willing to fight and struggle along with the people of God that surround me and my fellow GLBTQ people called to serve the church. I am not out to be a crusader or a poster child, but I am out to be who I am and who God made me to be.

I pray that the church will find an answer and not practice exclusion, but I know that this will be a process and can't happen overnight. In light of this, I am willing to be more open and stand up and speak instead of just letting other people doing the hard work themselves.

Ah, that felt good. Confessing the truth has a bit of freedom, don't you think?

Soli Deo Gloria.

Amy